Saturday, March 27, 2010

My Refrigerator is Evil

Yes, it really is.

After a string of accidents ranging from a severely bruised toe to a dozen eggs crashing to the floor in only a few brief weeks, I've deicided it's the refrigerator's fault. You see, all of these "accidents" occur while I'm either taking stuff out, putting stuff in, or passing by the fridge.

Don't believe me? I present the evidence. . .

01/01/2010 at 0500 hours - went to get morning juice for the kiddo and found the left over champage from the night before had popped its cork. Entire contents of fridge now alcholoic.

02/14/2010 at 1200 hours - removed pre-made casserole from fridge with the intention of placing in oven to cook. Casserole dropped breaking dish and sending food flying. Some even hit the ceiling.

02/15/2010 at 1800 hours - re-attempt at cooking pre-made casserole foiled again. This time the concents overflowed the container while cooking causing the oven to catch on fire. The fridge did nothing to intervene.

3/18/2010 at 0800 hours - after removing item from fridge went to take a shower. Slipped in shower and sustained multiple bruises and a huge sense of embarassment.

3/20/2010 at 1700 hours - opened left door of fridge to place newly-made gallon of ice tea inside. Upper shelf "grabbed" the top of the jug causing me to lose my grip. Tea came crashing down on my left foot resulting in a severaly black and blue big toe.

3/27/2010 at 0900 hours - went to place new carton of eggs in the fridge. Right door swung back and smacked me in the back causing me to drop the eggs. All eggs broken.

Daily - Each day the ice in the ice maker flies out. Mikey thinks it's a game and picks up the ice and throws it in the sink.

Weekly - I usually sustain a new bruise from the door whacking me in the arm while I'm trying to remove or add contents.

Note: none of the above has happened with a credible witness around. My two-year-old has seen a few things, but he's not talking. I think he knows the fridge keeps his juice cold.

You may think I'm crazy . . . "a fridge can't target a specific person," you may say. Consider this . . no one else in the house has been injured.

And no, I don't think it's just me . . .

With friendship and fridge fear,


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